Doctor Jokes — most commented jokes

- Doctor: The best time to take a bath is before retiring.

- Patient: You mean I don't need another bath until I'm sixty-five?

- Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I suggest you take a cold bath every morning.

- Patient: Oh, but I do, doctor.

- Doctor: You do?

- Patient: Yes, every morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with nice hot water!

- Doctor, doctor, my baby's swallowed a watch!

- Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?
→ Keeps everyone away.

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
→ When you take careful aim.

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"

"That's what they say," said his Dad.
"Well, give me an apple quick? I've just broken the doctor's window!"

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.

"This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."

The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"

"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant."

"I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a laptop computer.

- You're just run down, let me give you some vitamins.

- No, thanks. But I could do with some new batteries.

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a computer.

- My goodness, you'd better come to my surgery right away!

- I can't, my power cable won't reach that far.

A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.