Random joke from this category
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
- Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
- Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
- Patient: What happened?
- Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
- Patient: Give me the bad news first.
- Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
- Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
- Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
The Doctor was puzzled. "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink."
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
- Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a python.
- You can't get round me just like that, you know!
- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel
- That's shocking!
- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge
- What's come over you?
- Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm
- How boring for you!
- Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
- Do you drink a lot?
- Not really - I spill most of it!
- Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
- Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
- Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it?
- Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!
