Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

Tom's dream was to marry a sweet, innocent virgin.

He'd been going with Jane for a few months, when he decided to test her. As they drove along in the car, he unzipped his fly, turned to her and said:

- Do you want to see my wee-wee?

She yelled:

- No! No! Please zip up your fly!

Instead of being annoyed, Tom was happy.

On the eve of their engagement to be married, he tried the same thing, with the same result. Finally, on their wedding night, they were alone in the hotel room when he unzipped his fly again and said to her:

- Honey, now that we're married you can now look at what I've got here - and proceeded to take out his dick.

She looked at it and said:

- Oh, what a sweet looking wee-wee!

Tom said:

- No darling--you don't have to call it a wee-wee anymore; you can call it a cock.

She looked at it a while and then said:

- No, Tom, what you have 'is' a wee-wee.

A 'cock' is long, thick, and black!!!

Why did Mrs. Tomatoe turn red ?
→ She saw Mr. Green Pea !

Three best friends are at the corner bar on a Friday night as usual. One of them is an Italian, one is Black and the other is Jewish.

They are sitting around drinking some beers, and they make a wager. They bet who can make love to their wife and make her scream the longest. They agree to return next week and compare.

Next week, they all arrive at the bar at the usual time with smiles on their faces. The Italian guy says:

- I definitely won. I took my wife out to dinner, bought her roses, then took her home and made love to her. She screamed for an hour.

The black guy says:

- Man, that's nothin'. I cooked dinner for my wife, and for dessert I poured honey all over her and made love to her like never before. She screamed for two hours.

The Jewish guy chimes in:

- I got you both beat. I made love to my wife for 3 minutes, pulled out, then wiped my schmeckel on the curtain. She's still screaming!

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.

So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie:

- Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?

- Well - says Sophie - when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash.

- What if he has an erection? - asks one of the women.

- Honey - says Sophie - on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.

Then the hooker's gramma came and said:

- Why are all of you girls lined up?

The girl didn't want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said:

- We're lined up to buy oranges

The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said:

- How do you do it, you're so old?!?

Gramma says:

- It's easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!

What does the left leg of a nymphomaniac say to her right leg?
→ Nothing, they have never met.

What protection does a nymphomaniac use during sex?
→ A bus shelter.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

• Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
• Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
• Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

- Yes? - she inquires with a knowing smile - can I help you?

- I was wondering - whispers the man - are you the one who gives the hand jobs?

- Yes - she purrs - I am.

The man replies:

- Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said:

- Hey that's a good idea! What is it that you put over your cigarette?

The other old lady said:

- It's a condom.

- A condom? Where do you get those?

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms.

The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her:

- What size do you want?

- One that would fit a Camel.

What is the difference between the Titantic and Bill Clinton?
→ They know how many people went down on the Titantic!!