Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

Ralph and Charlie were playing the ninth hole at the local country club when Ralph hit his tee shot way to the right. Ralph walked over to the deep rough, found his ball, and proceeded to beat the hell out of wild buttercups with his pitching wedge. Mother Nature appeared and said:

- Since you destroyed all of my favorite buttercups, if you ever taste butter, smell butter, or even think about butter you will become deathly ill and die.

Ralph walked out of the rough toward Charlie with a big smile on his face. Ralph then told him his story with a big grin on his face. Charlie says:

- That's not a good thing! Why are you smiling?

Ralph replies:

- I almost hit the pussy willows.

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."

Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. "I've got people waiting in my car!"

A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"

This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample. So the girl At the front desk says to him: "Thank you for coming."

A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked:

- What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered:

- Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door.

His knock is answered by Gladys. she asks him:

- What do you want, sonny?

- Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night - he answers.

The other two old spinsters gather around the door.

- Who's out there? Does he look decent? - they ask.

Gladys says:

- It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on.

The other two spinsters giggle and say:

- The hell with what color it is...let him in!

Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.

- That man beside me is fumbling his crotch - one whispers to the other.

- Just ignore it - is the answer.

- Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.

- There was this black guy once - she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body.

- That must be the Chinese guy I slept with - she said. Then one more scream and the baby's white legs were born.

- Ah - that was the husbands bit - she said.

The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said:

- Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark !!!

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink....he notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen....he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her....

He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in the back....the bartender says he will check and comes back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder....he says to the man...:

- this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that....but this is just as good....this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to get her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!

so the man forks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his compliments.....

The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather disinterestedly.....but about twenty minutes later she slinks off her barstool....she saunters across the room toward our hero in a most seductive manner....oozing sensuality....our hero is terrifically excited....she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders and leans in close to his ear...he can feel her breath on his neck....and she whispers:

- Hey big boy....want to go shopping?