Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

There was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. One of the little girls get curious and decide to lift up his kilt. They see he's not wearing anything under his kilt so one of the little girls takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it around his thing in a nice little bow. They put his kilt back down and go to school. A little while after the man wakes up and natures calling. He finds the nearest bush, lifts up his kilt and looks down. He says in his scotish accent, "I don't know where ya been but ya won first prize."

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She yells:

- What the hell do you guys think you are doing?

One of the Japanese men explains:

- Can't you see? We are all berry hungry.

The waitress begs the question:

- So, how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?

One of the other Japanese men replies:

- The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry.

- The weddin's off - he shouted. - Everybody bugger off!

Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and approached him.

- What's the problem? - he asked.

- Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride! - exclaimed the father.

The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers.

A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled:

- All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!

As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked:

- What happened to make you change your mind?

Grinning sheepishly, he replied:

- Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer.

What do they call condoms in Germany?
→ Weinerhosen

Australia.

Where men are real men
And sheep are scared shitless
And where the term 'Going Down Under' means something entirely different

A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him.

He stops, bangs on the window and says:

- So, what does this cost ??!!.

And the hooker replies:

- 25 dollars !!.

And the Pollock said:

- Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulated windows !!.

What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
→ A leisure centre.

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep.....

- Mate - the aussie said.

- Over there we shear them

The kiwi replied:

- Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone

What do you call a Highlander with four sheep?
→ A pimp

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.

- Reporter: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?

- Scotsman: Certainly...

- Reporter: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?

- Scotsman: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep ....