Celebrities — most commented jokes

A question for Bill Clinton: "What was Miss Lewinsky's most memorable feature?"
→ "She has the whitest teeth I've ever come across"

What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter?
→ One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.

Three college students were rapping about who they'd like to be cast off on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. "Never heard of her." his companions protested. "Who is she?" "Why she's just the greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper," replied the third man. "See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING VIRGINIA PIPELINE"

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out.

"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish."

"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television a lot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles."

"Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke...

And her ears promptly fell off.

It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick.

Back in the '70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, 'Oh, great. Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.' 'Why?' says her friend. 'Don't you have a vase?'"

They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling shriek!

"What was that?" starts Hefner's friend.

"Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..."

Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password. It's her turn to guess the word.

- Voice Over: And the password is... black dick!

- Nancy: Um... is it a place?

- Her partner: No.

- Nancy: Is it a person?

- Her partner: No.

- Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something I might want to eat?

- Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe.

- Nancy: Is it black dick?

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
→ Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

What's green and smells like pig?
→ Kermit's fingers.

How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex?
→ Mace...