Business Jokes — most commented jokes

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

- Customer: Do you have any cockroaches?

- Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.

- Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.

- Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?

- Customer: I'm moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.

A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It is post-dated six years from now."

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

- Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.

- Have you tried counting sheep?

- That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.

Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.

The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well, just return my money to me," Kenny said.

"Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it."

"OK then, just unload the donkey," said Kenny.

"Whatcha gonna do with him?" asked the farmer.

"I'm going to raffle him off," Kenny replied.

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" the farmer exclaimed.

"Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00," explained Kenny.

"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired the farmer.

"Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his two dollars back," Kenny proudly replied.

Casey married a rich widow, but they didn't get along. One day she said to him, "If it wasn't for my money, that new television wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for my money, that grand piano wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for my money, this house wouldn't be here." Casey mumbled, "If it wasn't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

Two Irish friends greeted each other while waiting their turn at the bank window. "This reminds me of Finnegan," remarked one. "What about Finnegan?" inquired the other. "'Tis a story that Finnegan died, and when he greeted St. Peter, he said: 'It's a fine job you've had here for a long time.' 'Well, Finnegan,' said St. Peter, 'here we count a million years as a minute and a million dollars as a cent.' 'Ah!' said Finnegan, 'I'm needing cash. Lend me a cent.' 'Sure,' said St. Peter, 'just wait a minute.'"

Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have... Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

"I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.

The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins."

"What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets."

"Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.

"Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse.

After finally regaining his composure, he said, "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."

After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.

The nurse asked, "Sir, are you all right?"

"Yes" says the man, "I'm o.k. now. I just had a shocking thought. I work at the 7-11 Store."