Business Jokes — most commented jokes

I was sorry to hear that a friend of mine dropped out of med school. He really wanted to be a doctor, but just couldn't stand the sight of money.

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"

The plumber waited for him to finish and then replied... "Neither did I when I was a doctor!"

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic.

"What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience.

"Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies.

"Well, what's so miraculous about it?"

"One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"

A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the counter is a young woman.

"May I speak to the pharmacist?" he asks.

"Well," she replies, "I am the pharmacist."

He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a male pharmacist, as he has a "male problem."

She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular establishment.

He blushes and says, "Well, I really do need help, so I guess I'll ask you... I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid of it. It's been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for it?"

The woman looks thoughtful, and says, "Hold on, I'll go in back and ask my sister."

After a couple of minutes she returns and says, "We'll give you half of the business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it..."

Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?
→ To prepare them for the bill!

A psychiatrist, who was just starting out, advertised his clinic as follows: "Satisfaction guaranteed or your mania back!"

A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.

The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:

• 1 screw $1
• Knowing how to put it in $4999
• $5000 total

The businessman never argued.

A Marketing Manager got married to a woman who had previously been married eight times. On his wedding night, his wife informed him that she was still a virgin. This puzzled the Marketing Manager since after eight marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomena.

Her comments were as follows,"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!'

My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.

My third husband was from Field Service who constantly said that everything was diagnostically 'okay', but he just couldn't get the system up.

My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can...do; Those who can't...teach.'

My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department who said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver..

My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

My seventh husband was from Finance And Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether or not it was his job.

My eighth husband was from Standards And Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it."

The wife said sweetly to her new husband, "Now I am married to you, a man of Marketing."

The husband looked at his wife and simply said, "I know I have the product, I'm just not sure how to position it!"

- Income tax examiner: What's your husband's average income?

- Wife: Oh, about midnight.

After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company.

Mary Ann tells the insurance agent, "We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money."

The agent replies, "Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of your house and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."

Mary Ann thought for a moment and then told the agent, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."