Random Blonde Jokes
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
→ She threw it off of a cliff.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
→ She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde die, drinking milk?
→ The cow stepped on her.
How did the blonde burn her nose?
→ Bobbing for french fries.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
→ The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
→ So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.
Why do men like blonde jokes?
→ It is one thing they can understand.
Why do blondes like lightning?
→ They think someone is taking their picture.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
→ From eating with forks.
Why do blondes have more fun?
→ They are easier to keep amused.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides?
→ An interpreter.
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
→ Frosted flakes.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
→ A space invader.
What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
→ Branch manager.
What do you call a smart blonde?
→ A golden retriever.
What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
→ The back of her head.
What does a blonde owl say?
→ What, what...
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
→ 10...one to mix the dough and nine to peel the M & M's.
Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence?
→ To see what is on the other side.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
→ From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
→ In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
→ So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why was blondes created?
→ Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge...
Why were brunettes created?
→ Neither could the blondes.
Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
→ She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
→ Because the box said from 2-4 years.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
→ She wanted to know how to cook food stamps.
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
→ The vegetable garden.
What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
→ Far - from - thinkin.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerois?
→ Oh look, donut seeds.
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
→ Spot.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
→ So brunettes can remember them.
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
→ They keep breaking them with the hammer.
When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
→ When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her driver's license?
→ Because she got an F in sex.
Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
→ She missed.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blondes ear?
→ Data transfer.
What is gross ignorance?
→ 144 blondes.
What is the difference between a dead blonde and a skunk in the road?
→ There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
→ The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is eaiser to turn on.
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
→ One that never misses a period.
What is the blondes highest ambition in life?
→ To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What can save a dying blonde?
→ Hair transplants.
What are the six worst years in a blonde's life?
→ Third grade.
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
→ You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
→ I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
→ A hundred dollar bill.
How do you confuse a blonde?
→ You don't. They're born that way.
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
→ If she had a checkbook.
How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?
→ There is a stamp on it.
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
→ She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
What is the difference between a blonde and bigfoot?
→ Bigfoot has been spotted.
What does a blonde make best for dinner?
→ Reservations.
What does a blonde and cow-pats have in common?
→ They both get eaiser to pick-up with age.
What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
→ It's on, it's off, it's on...
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
→ Change.
What does a blonde say if you blow in her (or his) ear?
→ Thanks for the refill.
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
→ Last years hide and go seek winner.
What do you call a basement full of blondes?
→ A whine cellar.
What do you call a blonde at the bottom of the pool?
→ An air bubble.
What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
→ An air bag.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
→ A mental block.
What do you call 20 blondes standing ear to ear?
→ A wind tunnel.
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
→ A dope ring.
What do you call a blonde in college?
→ A visitor.
What is five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
→ A blonde parade.
A blonde and brunette jumped off of a 20 story building. The brunette hit the pavement but not the blonde...
→ She got lost.
Boyfriend said to his blonde girlfriend, I am going to go skeet shooting...but I don't know how to cook skeet.
Question to the blonde, why do you have an ice pack on your chest?
→ To keep the milk fresh.
How do blonde brain cells die?
→ Alone.
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
→ Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear.
How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
→ Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
→ Run...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
→ Shine a flashlight in her ears.
How do you kill a blonde?
→ Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Why does a blonde wear shoulder pads?
→ To keep from hurting her head as she rocks it back and forth and said "I dunno".
How do blondes pierce their ears?
→ They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
How do you drown a blonde?
→ Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Why do blondes hate M & M's?
→ They're to hard to peel.
How do you know when a blonde is making chocolate chip cookies?
→ There are M&M shells all over the floor.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
→ Proof reading.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
→ I'll tell you tomorrow.
How do you keep a blonde busy?
→ Write "please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?
→ She lost the receipt.
Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
→ She wanted to see what she looked like when she was sleeping.
How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?
→ One.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
→ Divorced.
Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
→ She didn't know which 1 came first.
How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde?
→ The smart blondes have dark roots.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
→ Because they get their heads stuck in the jar.
Why does the blonde wear underclothes?
→ To keep her ankles warm.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory?
→ She threw out all of the W's.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
→ Tell her a joke on Friday.
What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
→ Brain tumor.
Why don't blondes make kool-aid?
→ Can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packages.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
→ Gifted.
Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes?
→ Stands for toes g o in first.
How many blondes does it take to change a tire?
→ 5--2 to get sodas, 2 to cry and 1 to call daddy.
How do you kill a blonde?
→ Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
→ Blow in her ear.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blonde cross the road?
→ Never mind that, what's she doing out of the bedroom?
What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
→ Thanks for the refill.
What's the mating call of a brunette?
→ Is that darn blonde gone yet?
Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
→ That's where you wash vegetables.
How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
→ Shine a light in her ear.
What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
→ You can park in handicapped zones.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
→ Pull the pin and throw it back.
What's the mating call of a blonde?
→ I think I'm drunk.
How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
→ Opens the car door.
Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
→ To keep her neck warm.
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
→ She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
→ To see what was on the other side.
What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
→ The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
→ 6 - 2 to read the instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1 to screw the bulb.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Two...one to hold the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady.
The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went...
→ It finally dawned on her.
How did the blonde commit suicide?
→ She dyed by her own hand.
Brunette to the blonde: Awww, look at the dead birdie...
→ The blonde stopped, looks up and says, "where"?
How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer?
→ There is "white-out" all over the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer?
→ There's writing on the "white-out".
Why do blondes wear ear muffs?
→ To avoid the draft.
What's the mating call of the blonde?
→ "I'm soooo drunk"
What's the mating call of the ugly blonde?
→ (screaming) "I'm drunk!"
What's the mating call of the brunette?
→ All the blonds have gone home.
What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears?
→ Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
→ Because it said "concentrate".
Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
→ She thought it was diet coke.
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
→ The noise gave her a headache.
Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
→ From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
→ She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
→ They don't know the route.
Why does blondes have elevator jobs?
→ They like going up and down.
Why do blondes work seven days a week?
→ So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons?
→ You can also sit upright in a car.