A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country:
- There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!
- Oh, my God! - says his friend.
- Surely he must have died!
- Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!
- Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
- Pupil: Dead? I didn't even know he was sick!
A chap went up to the counter in the library and said:
- Have you got any books about committing suicide?
The librarian said:
- Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf.
The chap came back a few moments later and said:
- I can't find any at all.
The librarian replied:
- Yes, it's awful. They never bring 'em back!
- Do you believe in life after death? - the boss asked one of his employees
- Yes, Sir - the new employee replied
- Well, then, that makes everything just fine - the boss went on
- After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:
- No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!
There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died.
What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket.
They put his left leg in....
Well, you know the rest.
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister:
- Reverend, John and I had a DREADFUL fight! - she wailed
- Calm down, my child, it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight! - said the minister
- I know, I know! but what am I going to do with the BODY? - said Joanna
What is the definition of Death?
→ When you stop paying taxes suddenly.
- Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
- Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them!
- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to call Washington!
- Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!
