A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed:
- This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!.
The plumber quietly answered:
- Neither did I when I was a doctor.
The seven-year old girl told her mom:
- A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.
- Oh, dear - the mother nervously sighed.
- What happened, honey?
- Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.
What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?
→ If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it'll probably stop whining.
- Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
- Doctor: Oh, really?
- Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
- Excuse me, have you lost something? - he said.
- No, we're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone. - replied one of the doctors.
- Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
- Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
- Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?
- Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man:
- Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.
- But doc, if I do that, I'll get pneumonia - protested the patient.
- I know, I can cure pneumonia - said the doctor.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
- Doctor - says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands.
- Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?
- I don't see why not - replies the doctor.
- That's funny - says the man.
- I wasn't able to play it before.
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
- John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
- Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
