Most commented jokes

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says:

- The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die.

The Frenchman says:

- I take ze sword.

The chief gives him a sword.

- Vive la France! - the Frenchman says, and runs himself through.

The Englishman says:

- A pistol for me please.

The chief gives him a pistol.

- God save the queen! - the Englishman points it at his head and says, and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says:

- Gimme a fork!

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks:

- My God, what are you doing?

And the New Yorker responds:

- So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver:

- What's that building there?

- That's the Royal York Hotel - replied the cabbie.

- The Royal York? How long did it take to build that? - asked the Texan.

- About 12 years - replied the cabbie.

- 12 years? We build 'em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months.

A while later the cab driver makes his way past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre:

- What's that building over there? - asked the Texan.

- That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre - replied the cabbie.

- Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that? - asked the Texan.

- About three years - replied the cabbie.

- Three years? We build 'em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks.

Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower:

- What's that building there? - asks the Texan, pointing at the tower.

- Danged if I know - replied the cabbie.

- It wasn't here when I drove by yesterday.

A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip:

- When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a mile - she said.

- Why, was he disappointed with the view?

- No, he fell over the edge.

Fred's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

- Boy: You've got a face like a million dollars.

- Girl: Have I really?

- Boy: Yes - it's green and wrinkly.

A little boy came running into the kitchen. He said:

- Dad, dad, there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face.

- Tell him you've already got one - said his father.

- Witch: Doctor, I can't help pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Well there's nothing terrible about that.

- Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don't like them being pulled.

- Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours?

- Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it!

- Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?

- No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face.

What do me and a mirror have in common?
→ When we see your face we both crack up!