Most commented jokes

Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?
→ So the violists don't need to be retrained.

Which positions does a violist use?
→ First, third, and emergency.

How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
→ Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

What is the definition of a major seventh?
→ A violist playing octaves.

Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?
→ Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

What is the difference between a dog and a viola?
→ The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?
→ Violists.

Why are violas so large?
→ It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large, just that the viola player's heads are so small.

What do you call a person who plays the viola?
→ A violator.

- Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.

- Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.