3 women went out drinking, and decided to have a contest of who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together. The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house." After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won," and the second woman said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
Marriage was invented because it's only so much fun to cheat at cards.
Why do you call a womens monthly pain a period?
→ Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
→ Kick her in the butt!
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
→ When she starts her sentence with "A man one told me ...."
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
→ So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
→ Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine, will never be able to support you.
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
