Most commented jokes

What do you do when a Rottweiler gets amorous on your leg?
→ Fake an orgasm.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
→ That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?
→ They both fuck up trees!

Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?

One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate.

"Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."

"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!"

There was once a wide mouth frog. She had babies and she didn't know what to feed them. She went to the cow, talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The Cow said, "I feed my babies milk." She went on to the horse. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" "I feed my babies hay." said the horse. Finally she came to a snake. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The snake said, "I feed my babies wide mouth frogs." So the frog said, with her mouth really small, "Oh, is that so."

What is grey and comes in quarts?
→ An Elephant.

What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?
→ Bullshit

What are 3 problems about being an egg?
→ You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your face is your mother, and it takes 4 minutes to get hard.

An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: "Tail gunner to pilot... Tail gunner to pilot.."

The eagle says "what do you want?"

The mouse asks how high up they are.

The eagle thinks for a moment and then says "ohh about 5,000 ft."

The mouse then replies "You wouldn't be shittin me now would ya??"