Most commented jokes

Grant's Bar and Casino:
Liquor in the front,
Poker in the rear.

If K-Tel sold toasters...

They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free set of Ginsu knives.

If Radio Shack made toasters...

The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Timex made toasters...

They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.

If Thinking Machines made toasters...

You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters...

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

If Sony made toasters...

Their Sony Toastman, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If the NSA made toasters...

Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.

Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation.

After a while one of them said:

- You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation: A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Lately, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.

Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me grandfather of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son.

Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather and you think you have family problems.

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

- Hey kid! - the farmer says.

- Where ya goin' with that wire?

- Well - the kid drawls, this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!

- You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!

- Sure I can! - the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

- Hey kid! - the farmer yells.

- Where ya goin' with that tape?

- Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!

- You can't catch ducks with duck tape! - the farmer yells back.

- Sure I can! - the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick.

- Hey kid! - the farmer says.

- Where ya goin' with that stick?

- Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow.

- Hang on - the farmer says.

- I'll get my hat.