Most commented jokes

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

- It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell! - said the boy.

- Oh, shit! - said the farmer.

- You've shot the wife!

This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly:

- cough drops and snickered.

Just then the cop approached the old gal and said:

- What are you doing here, m'am?

The woman pulled herself up to her full height oF 4'4 and replied:

- Well, I can suck em can't I?

The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father:

- I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth.

Mr. Jones cries:

- My God! What will we do with such a deformed baby?

The doctor says:

- Use it as a rake?

I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn't let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything... I finally decided that I should help. It didn't take the three of us very long to get her handbag.

Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad.

The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.

Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says:

- Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us... where is it?

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened. "Buffalo come," remarked Tonto. "How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger. "Face sticky."

Man in a pub:

- If you went camping and woke up in the morning with a bloody condom hanging out of your arse, would you tell anyone? - Other man, - Bloody hell, no!

First man:

- Want to come camping?

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

- Where do you live? - asked the operator.

Bubba replied:

- At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.

The operator asked:

- Can you spell that for me?

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said:

- How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue.

- Can I see your license and registration, bub? - the cop inquired.

- But officer, - the fellow started, - I can explain...

- Shut yer trap, bub! - snapped the officer.

- You're going downtown and sit a while till the sarge gets back.

- But, officer, I think you really should know...

- And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!

A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said:

- Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.

- Don't count on it, - shot back the sap in the cell.

- I'm the groom.

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch.

Santa declined, saying:

- Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.

Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear.

- OH Santa, won't you please stay? - she begged.

Taking a long look, Santa sighed and delivered a not too believable:

- Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.

Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said in the sexiest voice imaginable:

- Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?

With a very pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said very slowly:

- Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.

And with that, he turned and left. Two minutes passed, and Santa reappeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful girl.

- Santa! You decided to stay! - she exclaimed gleefully.

Santa grinned and said:

- Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney THIS way!