Most commented jokes

A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."

Fred goes to a doctor and says:

- Doc, I want to be castrated.

Doc says:

- Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation.

- Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it? - Fred

Doc says:

- Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but OK.

He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up.

- Well, Doc, how'd it go? - Fred asks.

- It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my...

- CIRCUMCISED! - yells Fred.

- THAT'S the word!!!

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.

He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says:

- I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies:

- OK why don't you go behind these bushes

She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.

As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.

Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror:

- My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!

- No - she replies.

- I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead.

The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club.

- Hey, baby, would you help me 'raise my mast'?

- No thanks - she said sweetly.

- I heard about you from your ex and she included a 'small craft' warning.

I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said:

- Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?

She said:

- Do you like sex?

I said:

- Of course I like sex.

She said:

- Do you like to travel?

I said:

- Yeah, I love to travel.

She said:

- Then fuck off.

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon."

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

- Are you the landlord? - she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

- Actually, no - he replies.

- Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him? - she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

- I'm afraid I can't - breathes the barman - clearly aroused.

- Is there anything I can do?

- Yes there is. I need you to give him a message - she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

- Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says:

- Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says:

- Mirror mirror on the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!

Again, there's a bright flash and both his legs fall off.

The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any. She glanced down and said, "Nice design, does it also come in men's sizes?"

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!

He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.

The deep voice says: OPEN!

Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.

The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO!

Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.

The deep voice says: ROULETTE!

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.

The deep voice says: 27!

He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball.

The ball stops at the 26.

The deep voice says: SHIT!