Most commented jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Gene Robinson, 24, was arrested in Dayton, Tenn., after having sat for part of a session as a member of a grand jury hearing drug cases. He had already voted on 20 indictments when the next name that came up was his. He raised his hand, said:

- That's me, and excused himself. His fellow members indicted him, and police arrested him at his home a short time later.

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance. But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why ! The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words : Psycho-the-rapist.

Shakey went to a psychiatrist.

- Doc - he said - I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!

- Just put yourself in my hands for two years - said the shrink. Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears.

- How much do you charge?

- A hundred dollars per visit.

- I'll sleep on it - said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.

- Why didn't you ever come to see me again? - asked the psychiatrist.

- For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.

- Is that so! How?

- He told me to cut the legs off the bed!

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Faced with economic pressures, many commercial offices are cutting back on costs wherever possible, in an attempt to remain profitable.

At one particular office, employees are taking management's belt-tightening orders seriously:

- I'm taking home only half the office supplies I used to - one staffer notes.

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.

The patient replied:

- Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.

Patient #1 replied:

- Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb.

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1:

- If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself

Patient #1 replies:

- What? And work in the dark?

A guy goes to a psychiatrist.

- Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?

- It's very simple. You're two tents.

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.

- What seems to be the problem? - the doctor asked.

- Well, I, uh, - she stammered.

- I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.

- I see - he said.

- I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.

- That's not bad - she replied.

- How much for all night?

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman:

- Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?

- Why do you want me to throw them at you?

- Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.

- Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.

- But why?

- Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight.

When Fishermen Meet

- Hiyamac

- Lobuddy

- Binearlong?

- Coplours

- Cetchenny?

- Goddafew

- Kindarthay?

- Bassencarp

- Ennysizetoom?

- Couplapowns

- Hittinhard?

- Sordalike

- Wachoosen?

- Gobbawurms

- Fishanonaboddum?

- Rydononaboddum

- Whatchadrinkin?

- Jugajimbeam

- Igoddago

- Tubad

- Seeyaroun

- Yeahtakideezy

- Guluck

Ten common fishing terms explained

Catch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.

Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).

Line - Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.

Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.

Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.

Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.

Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.

Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.

Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming "that darn line" for once again losing the fish.