Most commented jokes

In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status. The following courses will be offered:

General Education

- GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges

- GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")

- GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One

- GE104: How to Parallel Park

- GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity

- GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps

- GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera

Home Economics

- HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature

- HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely

- HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely

- HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely

- HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in Half")

- HE103: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")

Interpersonal Relationships

- IR101: How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation

- IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby

- IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)

- IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce

- IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")

- IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!")

Argument (ar·gyou·ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er·hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar·bi·q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant·e·lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri·yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy·it so·da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e·ter·ni·tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex·er·siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow·ser·ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres·er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard·war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child·brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip·stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa·shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah·tr·pruf mas·kar·ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val·en·tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."

Gerrad, a friend of mine, bought a computer, even though he had never even used a typewriter before. After investigating the computer, he decided to call the help line. A friendly voice explained step by step how his new machine worked. All went well until the voice told him to press the space bar. After studying the keyboard, Gerrad said; "I've got the latest model and it doesn't have a space bar." But after further explanation, he managed to find it.

A week later, Gerrad again had problems and called the help line. An instructor was then sent to his house for training. But after a few minutes, Gerrad's head was spinning. "You don't need to go any further," he sighed, "I don't understand a thing."

To cheer him up, the instructor said:

- Hey, there are people who understand a lot less than you. Last week we had someone on the phone who didn't even know where the space bar was!

In July, a Jackson Center, Pa., woman reported that someone used a ladder to climb into the second story of her home and that all that was missing was $10 worth of diapers, despite the presence of jewelry and antiques in the same room.

Fort Erie, Ontario, Constable Paul Fletcher told reporters in December that a man armed with a club tried to force a woman to drive him home with her to get money for him, but that when he waited for her to unlock the passenger door from inside, she sped away.

Dennis Payne, 30, was arrested as a pickpocket at a Jersey City, N.J., train station, his 135th arrest in New Jersey and New York City since 1978. Police said it took a computer more than a half-hour to print out Payne's arrest record.

FBI and Florida authorities arrested Paul E. Flasher, 45, who had been sentenced to five years in prison in 1980 for grand theft but who had never been jailed.

Flasher said he had gone home from the sentencing hearing in Tampa and "sat tight," just as his lawyer had instructed, waiting for notification to report to prison. Authorities forgot him for 12 years.

James Macdonals and William Shoesmith, both 26, were sentenced to five years in prison for bank robbery. According to his lawyer, Macdonald hated his robbery work and had to drink before each job.

For what was to be the pair's last job, he got fall-down drunk and had to be carried by Shoesmith into the bank to pull off the heist. The two were soon captured.

Raleigh, N.C., police charged Vernon Edsel Brooks, 34, with robbing a Radio Shack in July, despite his foresight in disabling a video surveillance camera by taking the camera with him as he fled.

Because he forgot to take the recorder to which the camera was connected, police found a tape containing a full facial shot of Brooks reaching for the camera.