Most commented jokes

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

- Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes! - she exclaimed.

No - said the genie:

- You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.

- Lets see - says Monica:

- I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.

- And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want.

- I would like to get rid of these love handles, though.

- Yeah, that's it,for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed.

Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!

A guy takes his ill and aging wife in to the doctor's office.

After a full examination, the doc tells the guy it's one of two things.

The Doc says:

- Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS.

- What do you mean! - The guy says.

- Can't you tell the difference?

Well, says the Doc, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what ya do...
Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, - don't have sex with her anymore!

John receives a phone call.

- Hello - he answers.

The voice on the other end says:

- This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.

- hmmm... Susan? You say we met 3 months ago? - John

- Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party gave me a ride home. On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport. - Susan

- Oh, yeah! Susan! How are have you been? - John

- Well, I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself. - Susan

- Say, you really ARE a good sport! - John

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None 'o yo' freakin' bitness!

How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Both of them.

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two. One to screw it in and the other to say "Fabulous."

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ How many can you afford?

How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.

How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "Twelve. Ya got a problem with dat?"

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.

He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?

In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims:

- Damn, some asshole has my pen!

Jesus walks upon a crowd with an adulteress crouching in a corner with a mob around her preparing to stone her to death.

Jesus stops them and says:

- Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!

Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fires off a stone at the adulteress and blasts her right in the head.

At which point Jesus looks over and says...

- Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!

Why did Smokey the Bear never have any children?
→ When his wife got hot, he beat her with a shovel.

Why don't they let government workers look out the window in the morning?
→ So they will have something to do in the afternoon.

A girl criticized my apartment so I knocked her flat.

The first civilian on the shuttle was an English teacher. Now she's history.

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture.

He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

- Yeah daddy, yeah daddy - said the little boy. After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends.

- Say, Pop - said the boy.

- Yes - replied his father.

- The bull just screwed the brown cow!

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said "Excuse me" and took his son outside.

- Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say 'The bull "surprised" the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull "surprises" the white cow.

The father went back inside the house.

After a while the boy came in and said:

- Hey, Daddy!

- Yes, son. Did the bull "surprise" the white cow?

- He sure did, Pop! He screwed the brown cow again!

What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
→ "You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."

What does NASA stand for?
→ Need Another Seven Astronauts
→ Need Another Shuttle Also

Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
→ They didn't know it was going to blow up.

Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
→ Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP.

On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
→ So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard.

How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
→ Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg." "Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!" The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?" "I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!" Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?" "One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!" The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?" "Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"