Most commented jokes

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man:

- Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!

- What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!

Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets.

- Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation.

An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on the birth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply:

- I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!

After this, everyone turned to the fourth guy who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side. As he slowly gained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over:

- I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job....

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.

- I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. - He said.

- The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

- Why, that's amazing! - the doctor said.

- Did you follow my instructions?

The blonde nodded:

- I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.

- From hunger, you mean?

- No, from skipping!

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.

The only other thing on the island was the tall coconut tree, that provided them their food. Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree, to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree:

- Wow! I can't believe my eyes! I don't believe this is true!

The lawyer on the ground was skeptical and said:

- I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now.

So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just seen a naked blonde woman floating face up headed toward their island.

The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But, within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, totally unconscious.

The two lawyers went over to her and one said to the other:

- You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time...do you think we should....you know..... screw her?

The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked...:

- Out of what?

A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.

Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?", she replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"

A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.

The egg looks at the chicken and says:

- Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!

There was a couple involved in a very bad car accident. The wife's face was badly burned. The doctors said they could take the burnt skin and replace it with extra skin.

The woman's husband gladly allowed the doctors to use some skin from his behind.

The woman healed beautifully and ask her husband if there was anything she could do for him for being so nice to donate his skin.

And the husband replied:

- no need...

- I get all the satisfaction I could ever want each time your mother kisses you on the cheek!

There was a farmer. He had alot of chickens but had no roosters. So in order to get eggs he went and got a rooster. The man he got the rooster form told him that the rooster would screw everything in sight. But the farmer wanted the rooster anyway. So he took it home and it screwed all the chickens. After a while it started screwing all the other farm animals. So one day the farmer walked up to the rooster and said, "Ya better stop screwing everything or you will screw yourself to death!" But the rooster just kept on screwing. One day the farmer was walking through the field, and he found the rooster laying on the ground with buzzards flying all around. So he walked up to the rooster and said, "I told you you'd screw yourself to death!" then the rooster opened his eyes and said, "SHUT-UP! I'm trying to get them to land!"

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette:

- Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

- C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump! - say the firemen to the Redhead.

- Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away! - says the Redhead.

- No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!

- OK - says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell:

- Jump! You have to jump!

- No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away! - yelled the Blonde.

- No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!

- Look - the Blonde says:

- nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . .

One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there.

He walked up to the farmer and said:

- Hey, that's a nice donkey you got there. I think I'll take it.

The farmer replied:

- That's not a donkey, that's an ass.

So, the man said:

- Okay, then, I'll take the ass. Then he walked over to the chicken coup and said:

- I like that chicken. I'll take it too.

The farmer replied:

- That is a pullet.

So the man said:

- Okay, I'll take the pullet.

He was looking at a rooster and said:

- Well, I guess I'll take the rooster, too.

The farmer replied:

- That's not a rooster, it's a cock.

So they load the pullet and the cock into the back of the man's truck and tie the ass to the back. The man then pays the farmer as the farmer tells him:

- Now, sometimes the ass gets a little stubborn and he stops. All you have to do is get out and scratch his back, and he'll go again.

So the man drives away. All of a sudden, the ass stops, and the pullet and the cock fly out of the back. The man is trying to get them back when a woman comes out and says:

- Can I help you?

The man replies:

- Yeah, could you grab my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?

One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas, and empty food boxes were on the kitchen counter.

When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife.

He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.

He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone. He looked at her, bewildered, and asked:

- What happened here today?

She again smiled and answered:

- You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today.

- Yes - was his reply.

She answered:

- Well, today, I didn't do it!