Most commented jokes

- Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

- Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

- Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

- How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

- I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

- I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

- I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.

- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

- I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

- I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

- If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

- My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

- Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You

- She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.

After looking over the menu he says:

- I'll just have the eggs benedict.

His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate.

He asks the waiter:

- What's with the fancy plate?

The waiter replies:

- There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!

Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side.

So... the one flies over and the other one swims through-which one gets to the worm first?

The one who swam, of course, because:

- Da oily boid gets da woim.

Yo mamma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she got Don King in a headlock!

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender:

- How much for a beer?

The bartender replies:

- For you, no charge.

Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other.

One says to the other:

- Are you all right?

- No, I lost an electron!

- Are you sure?

- I'm positive!

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu".

The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.

Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu.

The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.

They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.

The most successful lawyer in town had never made a contribution to the Red Cross. The chairman of the Red Cross, Mr. Wilson, called on the lawyer, hoping to convince him to make a donation.

- You made over $600,000 last year but you haven't given anything back to the community. How do you reconcile that?

The lawyer sighed, leaned forward and said:

- If you only knew...

- My mother is terminally ill; her medical bills far exceed her income. My brother is a disabled veteran, blind and in a wheelchair.

- My sister is raising three children alone since her husband died in an auto accident.

Mr. Wilson offered his sympathy, admitting he had no idea there were so many demands on the lawyer's profits.

The lawyer nodded and said:

- Exactly...

- Why should I give to the Red Cross when I don't even give to my own family!

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.

I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.

I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.

I don't whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.

I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It's more fun than dealing with women after all
I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?

- Olive ?

- Yeah, you know:

- Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names