Most commented jokes

Why is the White House called the White House?
→ Sperm ain't purple!

How many Spice Girls does it take to change a light bulb?
→ They can't sing, they can't dance and they look awful. What makes you think they can change a light bulb?

Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though.

The reverand says:

- I should go! everybody needs religion! - they agree and he jumps.

Another guy says:

- I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke! - so he jumps.

The old guy says to the hipee:

- I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump.

But the hipee replies:

- Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!

Why did the blond jump off the bridge?
→ To see if her maxipad really had wings..

Children's worst book titles!

• You Were an Accident
• Strangers Have the Best Candy
• The Little Sissy Who Snitched
• Some Kittens Can Fly!
• Getting More Chocolate on Your Face
• Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
• Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
• The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Animals of North America-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!
• All Dogs Go to Hell
• The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
• When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It
• Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
• What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?
• Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
• Bi-Curious George
• Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
• You Are Different and That's Bad
• Dad's New Wife Gerald
• Pop! Goes The Hamster-And Other Great Microwave Games
• Testing Homemade Parachutes With Your Household Pets
• The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
• Babar Meets the Taxidermist
• Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
• The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
• Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse
• The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
• Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
• The Care Bears Maul Some Campers And Are Shot Dead
• How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
• Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear

There was a man at a gas station, pumping gas into his truck. While pumping he got gas on his arm. He wiped some of it off, then forgot about it. He paid for his gas and got in the truck.

As he was driving down the road, he lit up a cigarette, and the gas on his arm caught on fire. He rolled down the window and was waving his arm about, when he was pulled over by the cops.

The officer charged him for improper use of firearms.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

If IBM made toasters ...

They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Microsoft made toasters ...

Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters ...

It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

If Xerox made toasters ...

You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.

If Radio Shack made toasters ...

The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Oracle made toasters ...

They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

If Sun made toasters ...

The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ...

They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

If The Rand Corporation made toasters ...

It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.

If Sony made toasters ...

The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If Fisher Price made toasters ...

"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters ...

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.

What have an apple and an orange got in common?
→ Neither of them can drive a tractor!

What's the definition of strain?
→ Teeth marks in the toilet seat!