How do you know a blonde's been at your computer?
→ The joystick's wet.
How else do you know a blonde's been at your computer?
→ There's white out on the screen.
How do you know she's been back?
→ There's writing on the white out.
What do a turtle and a blonde have in common?
→ Once they're on their backs, they're fucked!...but at least the turtle tries to get back up!
Why did the condom fly across the room??
→ It got pissed off!!!
How do you get a one-armed nufie out of a tree?
→ Wave!
How do you get a two-armed nufie out of a tree?
→ Wave both hands!
TOP TEN WAYS YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A BAD CHURCH
- Smoking or Non-smoking?
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones...
The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia ........ U. Gogh
The brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue Gogh
The sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars ... Go Gogh
The real obnoxious brother .......... Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes ............ Gotta Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store ....... Stop N Gogh
His dizzy aunt ............. Verti Gogh
The cousin that moved to Illinois ......... Chicah Gogh
His magician uncle .............. Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico .......... Amee Gogh
Another cousin who lived in Mexico ......... Green Gogh
Nephew that drove a stage coach .......... Wells Far Gogh
Aunt who was a good dancer .............. Tan Gogh
How do you stop a 3 black men from raping a white woman?
→ Throw them a basketball!
What do you call a black priest?
→ Holy Shit!
What do you call a black woman taking birth control pills?
→ A Humanitarian.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him:
- Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!
- Hell - said Herman.
- It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!
Have you heard about the latest sensation? It's called "Rodeo Sex"?
Thats when you mount your wife doggy style and in the middle of the sex act you bend over and whisper in her ear:
- Your sister has a tighter pussy than you
and try to hold on for 8 seconds!
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe. The chief comes to them and says:
- The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.
The Frenchman says:
- I take ze poison.
The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says:
- Vive la France!
and drinks it down.
The Englishman says:
- A pistol for me, please.
The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says:
- God save the queen!
and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says:
- Gimme a fork.
The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over --the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams:
- What are you doing???
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says:
- So much for your canoe, asshole!
What do a tampon and an Old Southern Debutant have in common?
→ They're both stuck up cunts!!
