My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said:
- Would you like to say the blessing?
- I wouldn't know what to say - she replied.
- Just say what you hear Mommy say - my wife instructed.
Our daughter bowed her head and said:
- Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner!
One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said:
- Why is some of your hair white mommy?
The mother replied:
- Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.
The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said:
- Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?
What do snowmen have that snowwomen don't?
→ Snowballs!
Women's faults are many, men have only 2: Everything they say and everything they do.
A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk:
- Kiss me and I will turn into a princess.
The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.
The frog starts shouting:
- Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours.
The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back.
The frog is really frustrated:
- I don't get it. Why won't you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask.
The guy says:
- Look, I'm a computer geek. I don't have time for girls. But a talking frog is cool!
A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad:
- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?
- Why that's because your from Kentucky son. - The dad responses.
The next day the kid gets home from school:
- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?
- That's because you're from Kentucky son. - The dad tells him again.
The next day the kid busts through the door:
- Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?
The dad looks at him and says:
- No that's because you're 22.
A Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer... and a mop.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said:
- Cool!... It really works!
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God:
- Lord, I have a problem!
- What's the problem, Eve?
- Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.
- Why is that, Eve? - came the reply from above.
- Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.
- Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.
- What's a 'man', Lord?
- This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.
- Sounds great - says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
- Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.
- What's that, Lord?
- You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.
A Dutchman, a German and a Belgian are planning to walk in the desert.
The Dutchman says:
- I'll bring an umbrella for the shade when it gets too hot.
The German says:
- I'll bring some sunglasses. This sun can really destroy your eyes!
The Belgian remains silent.
Next day, the Dutchman and the German are astonished.
- What's that? - they both shout.
The Belgian answers:
- It's a car door. Now I can open the window when it gets hot...
