What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
→ They go on peck-nics!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
→ Coop-cakes!
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
→ An eggroll!
What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?
→ The bombshell!
What does an alarm cluck say?
→ "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!"
Why don't chickens like people?
→ They beat eggs!
Why did the rooster run away?
→ He was chicken!
What do chickens grow on?
→ Eggplants!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
→ He heard the referee calling fowls
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
→ Because talk is cheep!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
→ Because chickens hadn't evolved yet
Why did the turtle cross the road?
→ To get to the shell station
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
→ Because it was stuck to the chicken!
Why did the horse cross the road?
→ Because the chicken needed a day off
Why did the cow cross the road?
→ To get to the udder side!
Why was the centipede late?
→ Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
→ A walkie talkie!
What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
→ A centipede with chilblains!
What has 50 legs but cant walk?
→ Half a centipede!
What do you call a guard with 100 legs?
→ A sentrypede!
What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?
→ Turns over a new leaf!
What is the definition of a caterpillar?
→ A worm in a fur coat!
What has stripes and pulls a tractor?
→ A caterpillar tractor!
What does a cat go to sleep on?
→ A caterpillow!
What's green and dangerous?
→ A caterpillar with a machine gun!
What does a lion brush his mane with?
→ A catacomb!
What noise does a cat make going down the highway?
→ Miaooooooooooooooooooow!
What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?
→ Shredded tweet!
Why do tomcats fight?
→ Because they like raising a stink!
Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?
→ They are both ginger nuts!
What is the most breathless thing on television?
→ The Pink Panter Show!
What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
→ A terrified postman!
When is a lion not a lion?
→ When he turns into his cage!
What do cat actors say on stage?
→ Tabby or not tabby!
What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
→ I'm paw!
How is a cat laying down like a coin?
→ Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other!
Why are cars longer in the evening than they are in the morning?
→ Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning!
What cat purrs more than any other?
→ Purrsians!
How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters?
→ C-A-T!
Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
→ There was some money in the kitty!
What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
→ A duck filled fatty puss!
What kind of cat should you take into the desert?
→ A first aid kitty!
Why do cats chase birds?
→ For a lark!
What do cats read in the morning?
→ Mewspapers!
What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws?
→ An acrocat!
What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
→ A catastrophe!
Who was the most powerful cat in China?
→ Chairman Miaow!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
→ A cat-a-logue!
What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
→ An octopuss!
Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
→ Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!
What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
→ He felt funny!
What's striped and bouncy?
→ A tiger on a pogo stick!
What is the cat's favorite TV show?
→ The evening mews!
How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
→ Smack a lion!
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
→ Hailing taxi cabs!
What looks like half a cat?
→ The other half!
What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
→ 'Claws.'
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
→ A stri-ped!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
→ A stripey sweater!
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
→ 'Pleased to eat you.'!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
→ A stripey sweater!
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
→ She's got that down in the mouth look!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?
→ A peeping tom!
Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas?
→ Because he has sandy claws!
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
→ 'Pleased to eat you.'!
How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?
→ He has cat-arrh!
What is cleverer than a talking cat?
→ A spelling bee!
How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?
→ They never cry over spilt milk!
What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla?
→ An animal that puts you out a night!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?
→ A stripey jumper!
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
→ A bird who knocks before delivering its message!
What do you call a very rude bird?
→ A mockingbird!
Where do birds meet for coffee?
→ In a nest-cafe!
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
→ With it's sparrowchute!
What is green and pecks on trees?
→ Woody Wood Pickle!
What do owls sing when it is raining?
→ 'Too wet to woo'!
What do baby swans dance to?
→ Cygnet-ure-tunes!
What birds spend all their time on their knees?
→ Birds of prey!
What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
→ Tweetie Pie!
What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?
→ Jail-birds!
How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?
→ Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!
Which birds steal soap from the bath?
→ Robber ducks!
What kind of bird opens doors?
→ A kiwi!
What language do birds speak?
→ Pigeon English!
How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
→ Send him to polytechnic!
What do parrots eat?
→ Polyfilla!
What do you give a sick bird?
→ Tweetment!
What bird tastes just like butter?
→ A stork!
What's another name for a clever duck?
→ A wise quacker!
Which bird is always out of breath?
→ A puffin!
Why did the owl, owl?
→ Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!
What is a polygon?
→ A dead parrot!
What flies through the jungle singing opera?
→ The parrots of Penzance!
What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
→ A firequaker!
What is a parrot's favorite game?
→ Hide and Speak!
Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
→ Because they kept droning on and on!
What do you call a bee born in May?
→ A maybe!
What kind of bee can't be understood?
→ A mumble bee!
Where do bees keep their money?
→ In a honey box!
What TV station do bees watch?
→ Bee bee c one!
Why do bees buzz?
→ Because they can't whistle!
Can bees fly in the rain?
→ Not without their little yellow jackets!
Why did the bee started talking poetry?
→ He was waxing lyrical!
What goes zzub, zzub?
→ A bee flying backwards!
What are the cleverest bees?
→ Spelling bees!
What does a bee get at McDonalds?
→ A humburger!
What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?
→ A bee in a submarine!
What's more dangerous than being with a fool?
→ Fooling with a bee!
What did the spider say to the bee?
→ Your honey or your life!
Who is a bee's favorite painter?
→ Pablo Beecasso!
What did the confused bee say?
→ To bee or not to bee!
What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries?
→ A bramble bee!
What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
→ Wait at a buzz stop!
What is the bees favorite film?
→ The Sting!
What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
→ A bee with a cold!
Who is the bees favorite singer?
→ Sting!
Who is the bees favorite pop group?
→ The bee gees!
What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk?
→ An animal that stinks and stings!
What does a queen bee do when she burps?
→ Issues a royal pardon!
How does a queen bee get around her hive?
→ She's throne!
How do you hire a teddy bear?
→ Put him on stilts!
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
→ A polo bear!
Why do polo bears like bald men?
→ Because they have a great, white, bear place!
What do polo bears have for lunch?
→ Ice burger!
What's a teddy bears favorite pasta?
→ Tagliateddy!
