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What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
→ A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

Why were the flies playing football in saucer?
→ They where playing for the cup!

Why did the firefly keep stealing things?
→ He was light fingered!

Which fly makes films?
→ Stephen Speilbug!

What goes "snap, crackle and pop"?
→ A firefly with a short circuit!

What did one firefly say to the other?
→ Got to glow now!

How do you keep flies out of the kitchen?
→ Put a pile of manure in the living room!

If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player?
→ The one in the sugar bowl!

How do fireflies start a race?
→ Ready steady glow!

What did the clean dog say to the insect?
→ Long time no flea!

Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War?
→ Robert E Flea!

What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor?
→ Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go!

What do you call a cheerful flea?
→ A hop-timist!

What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear?
→ Shot it!

What is the most faithful insect?
→ A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them!

What insect runs away from everything?
→ A flee!

What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?
→ One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

What to you call a Russian flea?
→ A Moscow-ito!

Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet?
"Why are we running so fast?" said one

Why are gold fish orange?
→ The water makes them rusty!

Who held the baby octopus to ransome?
→ Squidnappers!

What part of a fish weighs the most?
→ It's scales!

What fish do road-menders use?
→ Pneumatic krill!

What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
→ They go sharkers!

What kind of money do fishermen make?
→ Net profits!

What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand?
→ Birdsthigh fish fingers!

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
→ A noisy noise annoys an oyster! (Try saying that fast!)

What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream?
→ Jellyfish!

What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?
→ 'Your plaice or mine'!

What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?
→ A flat fish!

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
→ A beer-a-cuda!

Who has eight guns and terrorises the ocean?
→ Billy the Squid!

What happened to the cold jellyfish?
→ It set!

What's the coldest fish in the sea?
→ A blue whale!

Where are most fish found?
→ Between the head and the tail!

What kind of fish will help you hear better?
→ A herring aid!

What do fish sing to each other?
→ Salmon-chanted evening!

How does an octopus go to war?
→ Well-armed!

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
→ On squid row!

Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
→ To the prawn broker!

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?
→ The Codfather!

What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
→ He got lockjaw!

Where do fish wash?
→ In a river basin!

What fish only swims at night?
→ A starfish!

Which fish can perform operations?
→ A Sturgeon!

Where do little fishes go every morning?
→ To plaice school!

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
→ A motor pike!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
→ He prawned everything!

- 1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'

- 2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
→ Because he was a dirty double crosser!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
→ A bulldozer!

What has two legs and flies?
→ A pig!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
→ A cow that can milk itself!

Why did the farmer call his pig 'Ink'?
→ Because he kept running out of the pen!

Why did the dirty chicken cross the road?
→ For some fowl purpose!

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

How do chickens dance?
→ Chick to chick!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo-cluck!

What do you call a bull who tells jokes?
→ Laugh-a-bull!

What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?
→ A pigtail!

Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
→ To the moo-vies!

If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
→ Plenty of milk!

Why did the baby turkey bolt down his food?
→ Because he was a little gobbler!

Why did the starstruck chicken cross the road?
→ To see Gregory Peck!

Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
→ In a hog cabin!

What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
→ A clotheshorse!

Why do pigs never recover from illness?
→ Because you have to kill them before you cure them!

What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?
→ A road hog!

What do you call sheep that live together?
→ Pen friends!

Where do you take sick ponies?
→ To the horsepital!

What do you say if you see a flying pig?
→ 'I see bacon's going up'!

Who tells chicken jokes?
→ Comedihens!

What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes?
→ A swine gut!

Why did the chicken cross the road at the fairground?
→ To get to the other side!

What is a cow's favorite TV show?
→ Dr Moo!

Why was the farmer hopping mad?
→ Because someone had trodden on his corn!

What would happen if bulls could fly?
→ You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up!

What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?
→ A sheep that's under the weather!

Why do cows like being told jokes?
→ Because they like being amoosed!

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
→ To stamp out forest fires!

Why did the pig go to the casino?
→ To play the slop machine!

What is a pigs favorite ballet?
→ Swine Lake!

What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
→ Pooched eggs!

How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday?
→ Eat him on Saturday!

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
→ Lumpy milkshakes!

What is the definition of a goose?
→ An animal that grows down as it grows up!

Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep?
→ She had a crook with her!

What do you give a pony with a cold?
→ Cough Stirrup!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
→ A horse!