Women Jokes — most commented jokes

My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
→ It's called wedding cake.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
→ I don't like to interrupt her.

Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather.

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says, "I hope this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound."
"Why?" replies the cabin steward.
"Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.

"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted.
"We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

Two men were having a drink together.
One said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife."
"Why's that?" asked the other.
"Because she's always trying to bite my head off," he replied.

How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone?
→ You get a frizzy signal!

Why is an engaged girl like a telephone?
→ Because they both have rings.