Situations — most commented jokes

Seen in a bar near here: "We don't stand in your toilet, so please don't pee on our floor!"

A man and his son were traveling to the bank one Saturday morning when they stopped at a corner. The little boy hearing a "Beep.. Beep.. Beep" and ask his dad where the sound was coming from.

His dad replied that the sound was comming from a near by dump truck that was backing up and that sound was to warn people behind it to get out of the way.

When they arrived at the bank the lines were long (as usual) and so they got into one of the lines behind a rather large lady.

All of a sudden another man's beeper started to go off and the little boy with fear in his eyes said "Look out dad she's backing up!"

A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash.

The doctor asked the man: "What are you doing, walking the dog?"

The man replied: "Oh no, I'm just dragging my toothbrush on a leash." The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions...

And the man said to his toothbrush: "Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!"

What do you call a witch at the beach?

- I don't know?

- A sand-witch!

A couple's having dinner in a restaurant when their waitress, standing a few tables away, watches as the guy slides all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him seems to not notice.

The waitress comes over and says, "Excuse me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman says, "No he didn't, he just walked in the door."

Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.

On a busy day, on a busy corner, there is a big accident in which there is a victim. The man who has been injured request for a priest.

The police officer on the scene turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Nobody answers. The man still cryes out "A priest, a priest please".

The officer once again turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Suddenly, an old jewish rabby comes up and say "Officer, I'm a old 70 years old Rabbi, but I've lived for 20 years behind St. Patrick church. Every night I hear them in their prayers. Maybe I can help."

So the officer bring the Rabbi to the dying man. The Rabbi kneels down and addresses these following words to the dying man: "B1-I18-N44-G56-O75"

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT:
Why was it that the Kamakazi pilots used helmets?

There were three guys waiting for a bus on a bench when the first guy farts, 'WHOOOSSHHHHH....' No one brought attention to it. Then suddenly the second guy farts, 'WHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH........' Again, no one thought anything of it until the third guy let one, 'PPPPPPPPUUUUUUHHHHHHHH...' The first two guys then looked at the third guy and simultaneously said, "STRAIGHT."

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?