Situations — most commented jokes

Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!

A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of the island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot farm. This happens several times and the local law enforcement refuses to investigate.

On their last day on the island they happen into a huge pile of harvested grass that has been set out to dry.
Quickly they decide to set it on fire to pay the thugs back for shooting at them. The fire takes off and sends plumes of smoke into the sky. As they are running for their boat, they notice that the soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of control and crashing into the trees.

The next day they read the headlines in the local paper:

Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.

While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy, a well known botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world."

The second guy, an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."

The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down.

- Geez, are you lucky.

- What do you mean by lucky? I got hurt really bad.

- Ah, you're lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus.

How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: "Good grief, where are your feet?"
I must have left them in bed!

Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
→ To draw the curtains!

When does a bed grow longer?
→ At night, because two feet are added to it.

How can you shorten a bed?
→ Don't sleep long in it.

Shall I tell you the joke about the bed?
→ No, because it hasn't been made up yet.