Situations — most commented jokes

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car.

He opens it and out pops a genie....

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this," says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!"

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

POOF

The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

POOF

The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says:

"I wish that no matter where I go a beautiful woman will want and need me."

POOF He's turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story?

If a used car salesman offers you anything at no cost, there's going to be a string attached somewhere!

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.

His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

Why did the cannibal live on his own?
→ He was fed up with other people.

What is a bus?
→ A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Which end of a bus is it best to get off?
→ It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.

- Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel?

- I should say not, on my salary!

Does this bus stop at the river?
→ If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash.

Do buses and trains run on time?
→ Usually, yes.

No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.

- Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today?

- No. Is there a strike?

- No, they're stopping to let the passengers off.