Situations — most commented jokes

Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn't know who it was from.

- 1st vampire: How things?

- 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.

I got an anonymous letter today.
Oh, really - who was it from?!

Last night I wrote myself a letter.
But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.

A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to eighteen children.
The reporter didn't quite hear the message and said, "Would you repeat that?"
"Not if I can help it," replied the woman.

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled."

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash?
→ He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.