Sex Jokes — most commented jokes

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
→ One in a million become a human being.

What is the difference in a Knights of Columbus and a Shriner?
→ A Knight is once a knight, always a Knight and the Shriners argue that once a night is enough for anyone!

I, Caesar, when I heard of the fame
To Cleopatra I straightway laid claim
Ahead of my legions I invaded her regions
I saw, I conquered, I came!

Tom's dream was to marry a sweet, innocent virgin.

He'd been going with Jane for a few months, when he decided to test her. As they drove along in the car, he unzipped his fly, turned to her and said, "Do you want to see my wee-wee?"

She yelled, "No! No! Please zip up your fly!"

Instead of being annoyed, Tom was happy.

On the eve of their engagement to be married, he tried the same thing, with the same result. Finally, on their wedding night, they were alone in the hotel room when he unzipped his fly again and said to her, "Honey, now that we're married you can now look at what I've got here," and proceeded to take out his dick.

She looked at it and said, "Oh, what a sweet looking wee-wee!"

Tom said, "No darling--you don't have to call it a wee-wee anymore; you can call it a cock."

She looked at it a while and then said, "No, Tom, what you have 'is' a wee-wee." A 'cock' is long, thick, and black!!!

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.

Then the hooker's gramma came and said "Why are all of you girls lined up?"

The girl didn't want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said "We're lined up to buy oranges"

The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said "How do you do it, you're so old?!?"

Gramma says - "It's easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!"

What does the left leg of a nymphomaniac say to her right leg?
→ Nothing, they have never met.

What protection does a nymphomaniac use during sex?
→ A bus shelter.

A wealthy young Wall Street stockbroker was admiring his physique nude before the mirror one day. The picture was perfectly toned and buffed except for the lack of a tan. So, he flew to California for the weekend to get a tan.

Back in his luxurious New York condo, he stripped bare to get another look at his own great beauty. He was shocked to see that he had a little white triangle in a strategic location. Well, that just wouldn't do!

The next weekend, he flew back to his favorite beach in California. He found a secluded, quiet spot and stripped off his attire and laid down on the sand. Then he proceeded to cover up all his body with the sand, except for the part that was a tiny white triangle. He soon relaxed and fell asleep.

While he napped, two elderly ladies came slowly along the water's edge, clinging to each other and their canes for support. When they saw the strange thing planted in the sand, one lady turned to the other and said, "Eloise, when I was 20, I was scared of it.

When I was 40, I couldn't get enough of it.

When I was 60, I had to pay for it.

And now that I'm 80, I find it growing wild!"

One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.

"Why are you laughing?" Asked the nun.

"Oh, It's nothing." said the cabby.

"No, really." said the nun "I won't mind."

So the Cabby told her: "Well, It's really silly but I've always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun."

"Well then, whats your name?" The nun asked.

"Robert"

"Are you married?"

"No."

"Are you christian?"

"Yes."

"Then Pull into the next alley."

The cabby was stunned. but he didn't want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab.

While driving, the cabby started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the nun.

"I'm sorry, I've lied."

"How so?"

"Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I'm Jewish."

"Well, I've done a bit of lying too..." smiled the nun "My name is George and I'm going to a costume party."

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

"How am I doing?" He asks.

"Three knots," she replies. "Three knots? What's that mean?"

"You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."