School — most commented jokes

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.

Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"

"Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? That's absurd!"

"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.

The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered "When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro."

The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs everywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here I going to be a professional baseball player."

The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things, until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?"

"They're never going to let me out of here," the patient said "I'm f**king nuts!"

The medical student was asked four reasons why mother's milk was better for babies than cow's milk. This is the answer he submitted:

1. It's fresher.
2. It's cleaner.
3. The cats can't get to it.
4. It's easier to take on a picnic.

He also added: "It comes in such cute containers."

Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?
→ Yes, Intercourse....you go between periods and you are expected to come.

The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make it last an hour?"

A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers.... they..."

- Man: Say no more! Lead me to the third floor.

- Madam: Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses.

- Man: It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it.

Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.

"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had been all night.

Says the baby stork, "Awww, just scaring the shit out of college kids!"

Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are perched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Several plain Janes walk by as the two converse.

Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly -- inquires, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard -- exclaims, "What?!" Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats, "Typical nasty weather?" "Oh," she demures, "yes," and goes on her way.

More young lovelies walk by and the scene is repeated.

"Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What?" "Typical nasty weather?"

Finally, Romeo delivers his line, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" and his prospect stops, smiles and invites him up to her room.

Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention, decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likely prospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts out, "Cram a feather up your ass?"

Shocked, the girl spins around and slaps him, to which he replies, "Looks like rain!"

While attending a spelling session in school one day, the teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB.

Darla raises her hand and says, "I can, I can."

The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."

Darla replies, "D-U-M-B."

The teacher replies, "Very good," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"

Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."

The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"

Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."

Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D."

The teacher replies, "Very good," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"

Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."

The teacher replies, "OK, well let's continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"

No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell the word DICTATE.

Buckwheat replies, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E."

The teacher replies, "Very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"

Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can. I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?"

"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class.... and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was classic....

Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."