Marriage Jokes — most commented jokes

Why do you live like a NUN after you get married?
→ NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the evening, NUN what so ever!

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
→ After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted.

To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'

- Was your wife a virgin when you married?

- I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.

A man took his wife to the doctors.

After a short examination the doctor said "Your wife's mind has completely gone!"

To which the man replied "I'm not surprised.

She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"

Six stages of married life:

1. Tri-weekly
2. Try weekly
3. Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5. Try anything
6. Try to remember

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.

He says "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter.

Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house,
He come to house.

He and she leave house,
I follow.

He and she go to hotel,
I climb tree to see.

He kiss she,
she kiss he.

He strip she,
she strip he.

I play with me,
I fall out of tree,
I not see.

No fee,
Chen Lee

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he's just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he explains, "gold, silver and bronze."

"So what color are you gonna wear tonight?" she asks with a grin.

"Gold of course," says the proud man.

The wife responds, "Why don't you wear silver -- it would be nice if you came second for a change!"