Language Jokes — most commented jokes

Quo signo nata es?
What's your sign?

Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.

O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!

Spero nos familiares mansuros.
I hope we'll still be friends.

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home.

Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.

Totum dependeat.
Let it all hang out.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Nihil est-in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That's nothing-in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.

Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.

Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!
I forgot to polish the clocks!

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Vacca foeda
Stupid cow

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Raptus regaliter
Royally screwed

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let's all wear mood rings!

Insula Gilliganis
Gilligan's Island

How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worryworry worry"
→ Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
→ An interpreter.

Through infinite myst, software reverberates
In code possess'd of invisible folly.

Wilt thou dare interface
With thy Apple Macintosh keypad
By toggling my tweaky bosom?

Alack!

Leave laserjet laughter to the laptop lover.

Behold beta beauty in a keyboard's keen kindness.

Now yet torment thy melancholy hardware
By always vexing the amorous flame
Of thine model motherboard.

This tyrant widget conceals scuzzy games
And pleasure treasured dear:
Then kiss me.

Celestial evil's idolatrous template within AOL
Will deceive some cybersex users
And email "cancel our service."

Tis a rare tongue
That many maiden bugs command,
Revealing bounteous distress,
Trashing bold memory:
Click and crash gloriously.

Weep not, beauteous Microsoft!

Hereafter reboot.

What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
→ An Italian suppository.

Write down on a peice of paper:
M R ducks
M R not
O S A R
C M wangs
L I B
M R ducks

Now have somebody say it, saying the capitals as letters, it comes out as:
'em are ducks
'em are not
oh 'es 'ey are
see 'em wangs
'ell ill be
'em are ducks

There was a gay lad from Kartoume
Took a lesbian up to his room
Well, they argued all night
as to who had the right
To do what, with which and to whom

- Teacher: Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.

- Johnny: De-feet of DE-duck went over De-fence before De-tail.

Confucious say...

All who fly upside-down have crack up.

He who stand on toilet high on pot.

He who shits brick has square hole.

Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.

A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.

The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.

The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, "Hey, what do you think you're doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you're just going to leave?"

The panda bear answers calmlly, "I'm a panda bear." The bartender says, "Yeah, so?" The panda bear replies, "Look it up," and walks out the door.

The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up "panda bear," and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear.

He reads the caption, which says, "Panda Bear--a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves."