Dumb Jokes — most commented jokes

- Motorist: Does a deer have a horn?

- Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns.

- Motorist: Then it must have been a car that ran over my uncle.

My dad is stupid.
He thinks a fjord is a Norwegian motor car.

Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix?
→ He was asking for directions.

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio.

"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee.

The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast declares "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."

Again, Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast says, "There will be 6 to 9 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the -"

Just then the power goes out and Ole doesn't get the rest of the instructions.

He turns to Lena and says "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?"

Lena replies "Aw, Ole, why don't you just leave the car in the garage today?"

One day, two guys were driving to a local grocery store to get some food. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red.

The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, "What the heck are you doing? You're going to get us killed!"

Then the driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother allways drives like this."

So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!"

The driver looked at the passenger and responded, "I get it! But like I told already, you my mother drives like this all the time!"

Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time in was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. "What the hell are you doing?" The passenger screamed. "This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?"

The driver replied, "That's my mom's car coming over there!"

Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"

Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."

"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.

"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."

"What if that had been struck by lightning?"

"Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."

"What if the phone was engaged?"

"Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."

"What if that was vandalised?"

"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas."

This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"

Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."

What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
→ The color.

When driving through fog, what should you use?
→ Your car.

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
→ Because they're headcases!

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
→ Because they're headcases.