Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a headcovering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says:

- Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse.

- But Father, I have a divine right - she informs.

- Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church! - he insists.

What was the First Commandment?
→ "Adam, eat my pussy."

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
→ A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker.

"Oh," says the older priest, "give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents."

There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said:

- Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?

The hooker replied:

- Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's "really" original, it'll cost you an extra $20.

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church.

When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice:

- Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?

- Why reverend - the young thing replied.

- All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts.

- Hmm. Well let me check - said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits.

After several minutes, he raised his head and said:

- I don't hear any angels singing!

- Of course not reverend - she said.

- Your not plugged in yet.

Tommy goes into a confessional box and says:

- Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.

- Priest: Is that you, Tommy?

- Tommy: Yes father, it's me.

- Priest: Who was the woman you were with?

- Tommy: I cannot tell you, father, because I don't want to ruin her reputation.

- Priest: Was it Brenda O'Malley?

- Tommy: No, father.

- Priest: Was it Fiona MacDonald?

- Tommy: No.

- Priest: Was it Ann Brown?

- Tommy: No.

- Priest: Was it Mary Elizabeth O'Shea?

- Tommy: No, father.

- Priest: Was it Amy Thomas?

- Tommy: No, father.

- Priest: Was it little Cathy Morgan?

- Tommy: NO father! I cannot tell you.

- Priest: Tommy, I admire your perseverance, but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be four 'Our Fathers' and five 'Hail Mary's'. Now go back to your seat.

Tommy walks back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and whispers:

- What happened?!

- Well, I got four Our Fathers, five Hail Marys, and six good leads.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?
→ Acne usually comes on a boy's face AFTER he turns 13.

A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, "How'd you like to fuck that?" To which the lawyer replied, "Out of what?"

The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him:

- What's a four letter word, ending in U - N - T that means 'woman'?

The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn't even bother to look up.

- *A*unt, your Holiness.

The Pope didn't speak for a second.

- Oh.

He paused.

- Do you have an eraser?