Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

A couple from earth has finally saved up enough money to take a vacation on mars (they could do that then). So they go to mars and meet a martain couple and start talking about they way they do things and come to the subject of sex. They decide to switch partners for the night to see what happens.

The human woman and the man martain go into a room and the martain strips but his thing is the size of a pencil (whoa), and the woman says, "um, how is this going to work?"

The martain man replies "Oh, not big enough? Okay then."

All of a sudden he starts slapping his forehead and his thing grows longer. "Um, that's good but isn't it still a little thin?"

"No problem," the martain man replies.

Then he starts pulling his ears and it grows wider.

The woman is amazed by this and they have wonderful sex.

The next day they meet and the human man asks his wife how it was and she said "Oh my, it was wonderful! How was your night?"

The man replied, "It was awful!! The martain woman kept slapping my forehead and puling my ears!"

Whats the difference between a pig and a fox?
→ A 12-pack of beer!

There once was an old man from Trent,
Whose penis was crooked and bent,
And so to save trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!

Dave was a bit of a nut who enjoyed making obscene phone calls.

His biggest pleasure is making such calls to kindergarten teachers.

He'll find a lonely telephone booth, dial the number of a teacher, and exclaim:

- Is this Mrs. Jones, the kindergarten teacher at P.S. 41?

When the teacher answers yes, Dave goes into his act:

- Wee-ee, poo-poo ca-ca!

Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience.

It bothered him so much that he decided that he just had to tell his priest about it in confession.

The priest was shocked and could only say to Farmer Brown:

- Well, was the pig a male or a female?

- A female, of course - shouted Farmer Brown!

- What do you think I am...some sort of queer?

Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot.

As Jesse entered the first car he yelled:

- Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!

Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said:

- ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?

With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says:

- Listen, you heard Jessie...he's the boss!

And then there's little Johnny who one night woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door.

Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad.

Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims:

- Hah!, they got nerve...they sent "ME" to the doctor for sucking my thumb!

- Boss: Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal.

- Johnson: Montreal! Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!

- Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!

- Johnson: Without missing a beat replies:

- No kidding! What position does she play?

Confucious say...

All who fly upside-down have crack up.

He who stand on toilet high on pot.

He who shits brick has square hole.

Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said:

- It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer.

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said No, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said:

- Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?

He said:

- Why,... Yes I am!

So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered:

- Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!