Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

How do you catch a polar bear?
→ You dig a hole in the ice and place peas all around it, and when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole!

10. Could our relationship be more physical?? I'm tired of being just friends.
11. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way.
12. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
13. Hey, get a whiff of that one.
14. Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpit are just to too cute.
15. This diamond is just way too big.
16. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
17. Wow!! It really is 14 inches.
18. Does this make my butt look too small??
19. I'm wrong, you must be right again..

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help:

- Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says:

- I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned.

The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother:

- Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?

His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says:

- Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would.

Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her:

- Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?

His sister looks up and says:

- Omigod! Definitely!

The kid goes back to his father and says:

- Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with a couple of whores.

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
→ Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

Why doesn't Santa have any children?
→ Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

What do blacks and Christmas trees have in common?
→ They both have colored balls.

How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?
→ They both have ornamental balls.

Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other:

- I've never come this way before.

Other nun says:

- Neither have I. It's probably the cobbles.

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches:

- Can I help you lad?

- Yesh, Shombody shtole me car! - the Irishman replies.

The cop asks:

- Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?

- It was at the end of this key.

About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks:

- Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?

The Irishman looks down woefully and moans:

- OOH GOD... they got me girl too!

Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine.

- Hmmm - says the bear to the squirrel:

- Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?

- Yes it does - replies the squirrel.

- Great! - says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.