Business Jokes — most commented jokes

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, "Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life."

"What happened?" asks Birnbaum.

Goldstein moans, "My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands of dollars on the credit card. I came back to New York and found out that my brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, to top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son having sex with the garment model on my desk!"

"You think you had a bad week?" responds Birnbaum. "My week was even worse! I went to Florida on vacation with my wife and it rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands on the credit card. Then, when I got back to New York, I found out that my brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, to top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son having sex with the garment model on my desk!"

"How can you say that your week was worse than mine?" asks Goldstein. "It was identical!"

"You shmuck!" replies Birnbaum. "I manufacture men's garments..."

Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesmanwas unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision,"he announced, standing up to leave ... "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in themorning, let me know what you think."

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierandwas down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.

The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstateNew York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.

Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped aburley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.

"He looks like he cantake care of any situation," thought the manager,and decided, there and then,to hire him. He turned to the firstapplicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.

Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carryyourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier.

However,you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out theplace on the application where we asked your formal education."

Jim looked a little confused so the manager said,"Where did you get your financial education?"

"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."

"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"

"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"

Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potentialemployee's application and notices that the man has neverworked in retail before.

He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you arecertainly asking for a high wage."

"Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harderwhen you don't know what you'redoing!"

Work Environment:

• (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT
• (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION
• (Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION
• (Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME

How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
→ Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

A man goes to his bank manager and says "I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?"

The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and replies "Buy a big one and wait"

Life Insurance Agent: Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.

Some professions

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.