Business Jokes — most commented jokes

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
→ A dependent Claus.

Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany's leading institutes.

The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald's restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies' relative purchasing power.

The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.

A simple alternative, now that McDonald's has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.

"A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four Big Macs," the IW said.

Conclusion: based on the Big Mac index, the dollar is undervalued, the institute said.

Americans can get their best Big Mac buy these days in Moscow, where one sandwich costs only about 59 cents.

But Russians must "work nearly two days in order to afford this meaty capitalist achievement - longer than people in any other country", the IW said.

With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients' names to itself.

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance. But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why ! The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words : Psycho-the-rapist.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Faced with economic pressures, many commercial offices are cutting back on costs wherever possible, in an attempt to remain profitable.

At one particular office, employees are taking management's belt-tightening orders seriously: "I'm taking home only half the office supplies I used to", one staffer notes.

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.

A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.

"Where can I buy one?" he is asked.

Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.

"I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money.

I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday morrow OK?

"Sure."

The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news."

I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.

The city feller says just give me my money back then.

- Can't, spent it already!

- Well... unload the mule then.

- What ya gonna do with him?

- Raffle him off!

- Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!

- Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks.

One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.

"What did ya do with that dead mule?"

"Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"

The following is supposedly a true story relating to a United States shipping company.

THE U.S. shipping company had a new ship built. It was to be the pride of the fleet, and something special was wanted to decorate the captain's saloon, a large living room/office where the vessel's business and entertaining would take place.

Someone suggested that a set of nautical prints would lend a nice touch. He knew of a shop in London that specialized in such things, and the prints were ordered and hung in the saloon.

It was not until the trial run of the vessel, when both the builder's and the owner's representatives were aboard, that someone looked closely at the prints. Each was of an American ship being captured by, or surrendering to, a British warship during the War of 1812.

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.

Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!

Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."

Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.

Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"

How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
→ Too early to say.

What do economists and computers have in common?
→ You need to punch information into both of them.

Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
→ If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.

Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
→ He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.

NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Why did the market economist cross the road?
→ To reach the consensus forecast.

What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
→ Deflator mouse

How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.

How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.

How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ It depends on the wage rate.

How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
→ I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.

How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None - the market has already discounted the change.

How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
→ All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.

How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.

When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.

Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Seven plus or minus ten.

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.

What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
→ The economist is the one with the calculator.

What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
→ The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground

Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the correct one, and everyone will still be in the dark.

Why did God create economists?
→ In order to make weather forecasters look good.

What does an economist do?
→ A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.

Two economists meet on the street.

- How's your wife?

- Relative to what?

To an economist, real life is a special case.

How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.

Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.

When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.

Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion.

Why has astrology been invented?
→ So that economy could be an accurate science.