Animal Jokes — most commented jokes

A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog stuck to his head.

- Doctor: How did this happen?

- Frog: It started with a bump on my ass.

Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't.
→ Stick his bill up his ass.

After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a dog was declared cured. A friend asked him how he felt now. The former patient replied, "Fine! Just feel my nose."

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian."

Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, "I just wish it were dark."

Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog in the front room. "My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time you've gone too far!" "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."

If the bird of wisdom is an owl, and the bird of peace is the dove, what is the bird of TRUE love?
→ The Swallow.

Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and gets her head stuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the other, "This is too good to pass up," gets off his horse, unzips his pants and starts fucking the shit out of this heifer for at least ten minutes.

When he finally finished he looked up to his partner and asked him if he wants some of it. His partner replied, "Hell yes, that looks pretty good," climbs down off his horse, drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that night's dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the cooking...?"

"No," the cowboy replied, "you cooked up the screwing."

So the elephant says to the naked man...

"You breathe through that little thing?"