Most commented jokes

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court.

He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher:

- You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!

The old rancher replied:

- Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

- Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all - the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.

- Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally, the lawyer said:

- Actually, I made up the previous statement.

But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.

With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

- But how? - the lawyer asked.

- You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door.

- Oh, yes - the jury foreman replied.

- We all looked - but your client didn't!

A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor.

- Which side is it best to lie on? - she asked.

- The side that pays your fee - replied the doctor.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abe

- Abe who?

- Abe C D E F G H...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abbey

- Abbey who?

- Abbey stung me on the nose!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abba

- Abba who?

- Abba'out turn! Quick march!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aaron

- Aaron who?

- Aaron the barber's floor!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aardvark

- Aardvark who?

- Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles!

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?
→ A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?
→ He found time-consuming.