Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She raced into the kitchen where her husband was making dinner.
- Hey! - she announced.
- This is terrible! I just caught Matthew lighting a cigar!
- You put a stop to that right now, - he shouted.
- That kid is altogether too young to be playing with matches!
Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage.
- Sir, - he blurted out:
- I have an attachment for your daughter, and
- See here, young man, - interrupted the parent:
- when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself.
During a flood in a small Ohio town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy.
As they sat watching articles float along with the water, they noticed a baseball cap float by. Suddenly, the cap turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, it turned again and came back.
- Do you see that baseball cap? - said the girl.
- First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back.
- Oh, that's my dad, - replied the boy.
- This morning he said that come hell or high water, he was going to cut the grass today.
Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at the dinner table when the boy suddenly blurted out:
- Gee, you're dumb, Mom. You don't know anything.
- Now, son, - scolded Bentley:
- you musn't be picky about your mother's little faults.
- Dad, - said Rickey:
- what is electricity?
- Uh, - replied his father:
- I don't really know too much about electricity.
A few minutes later the boy said:
- How does gas make the engine go?
- Son, I'm afraid I don't know much about motors.
- Dad, - said the boy:
- what is anthropology?
- Anthropology? - The father frowned.
- I really don't know.
- Gee, Dad, I guess I'm making a nuisance of myself.
- Not at all, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything.
Mrs. Filmore returned home from a business trip and asked her husband:
- How did Greg do on his history exam?
- Oh, not so good, - he replied.
- But it wasn't his fault. They asked him about things that happened before he was born!
- Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions, - said the father.
- I'd like to know what would have happened if I'd asked as many questions when I was a boy.
- Perhaps, - said the boy:
- you'd've been able to answer some of mine.
- Honey, - said Mrs. Beldon to her husband:
- Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia.
- Encyclopedia, my eye! - exclaimed Beldon.
- Let him walk to school like I did.
Down at the office Bostwick boasted to one of his buddies:
- My son Arthur is smarter even than Abraham Lincoln.
- Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn't say it till he was fifty!
At dinner, Seth said to his father:
- Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your fault.
- How's that? - asked the master of the house.
- Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?
- Yeah, I remember.
- Well, 'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer.
