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As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

• A friend is someone who is always at your side,
• A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
• A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
• A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
• A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
• A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
• A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,

Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in your sleep!!

There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

TRASH IT!!! If it's a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don't forget to delete the chain letter part. But if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.

Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!! Thank you.

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

Of course, there's the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on and then he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3 children and lived happily ever after.

Right up until he started working late every night, started an affair with his secretary and boozing. Then she started sleeping with the golf pro at the local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3 children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and they got divorced. She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and child support payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and his car and now is working the midnight shift at the local McDonald's.

Make a wish!!!
(This is where you have to scroll down)
Really, go on and make one wish!!!

Oh please, s/he'll never go out with you!!!

Wish something else!!!

Not that either, you pervert!!

Is your finger getting tired yet?

You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!!

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, you now, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!

Really!!! Here's how it goes.

Send this to 1 person: One person will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
20 to 674,951 1/2 people: 20 to 674,951 1/2 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

There are four basic types of chain letters:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents, and no pecker. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Starving Legless Armless Parentless Peckerless Little Boys from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent. So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly and a mad goat will rape your dead body. Thanks again!!

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.

If Wang made toasters...

Marketing would never agree upon what customers really want or need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent in development and the toaster would be several years late.

Just after release Wang would buy another company whose toaster ran on NT but would find that they got more orders for the original.

If Cray made toasters...

They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least for a couple of years.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...

They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

Does DEC still make toasters...? They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?

If Apple made toasters...

It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a little picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, these toasters would require a special set of MacToaster Tools to even open up. Worldwide market share would only be 5%, but all the bread in school lunches would be exclusively toasted on the MacToaster.