Most commented jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.

Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says:

- Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?

Watson yawns and tries to play the game:

- Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny.

- No, my friend. It's much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent.

Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.

They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly dry cigarette and book of matches and lights up. The ladies go up to the girl and ask:

- How do you keep your cigarettes dry?

Her answer:

- I put them inside of a condom.

The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for a condom. When the pharmacist asks:

- What size? - one of the ladies says.

- It should fit a Camel.

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said:

- If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess:

- If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?

The stewardess asked:

- Did your mother tell you to ask me?

The boy said that she had. She then said:

- Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time.

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said:

- I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.

The agent replied:

- I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear:

- Do you have any idea who I am?

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.

- May I have your attention please? - she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal.

- We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate.

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore:

- F*** you.

Without flinching, she smiled and said:

- I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too.

There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane.

At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess collecting tickets.

When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. The stewardess said:

- I'm sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub.

Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck.

- Where's George? - one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone.

- He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him.

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke.

One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat.

- Please I need to get back to England - she pleaded.

- If you sneak me onboard tonight I'll give you favors all the way across the ocean.

Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag and carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she was hidden he said:

- When I bring you some food, twice a day, I'll collect.

And being true to her word she agreed.

This went on for about a week when by accident the captain found her.

- Please don't get angry - she started to say and explained the story to the captain who busted up laughing.

- Why are you laughing? - she demanded.

He said:

- Because you're on the Statten Island Ferry.

- Pilot: Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!

- Tower: Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims:

- Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?

Father looks at her and says:

- Get outta me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis.

The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and he's a little upset so he tells the cabby:

- Take me to my hotel and step on it.

The cabby turns and says:

- Sure thing sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so great to see you!

- Shut up, you imbecile. I'm not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!

So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter.

- Oh my God! Oh my God! It's you! - screams the hotel clerk.

- You're back Elvis! I knew this day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back!

Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says:

- Thank you... Thank you very much!

The Hotel Odeon in Paris is offering tourists a 'Diana Tour' - a personal reenactment of Princess Diana's last night alive. For $50 extra you can enjoy the "Land Mind Obstacle Course".