Most commented jokes

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.

The corporal explained the procedure:

- You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up.

The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open.

He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said:

- I'll bet that goddamn truck won't be there either!

It was the age when knighthood was in flower.

A young lady was pounding away at a piece of iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady saw her and asked:

- What are you doing?

The first one answered:

- I'm making socks and sweater for some soldier boy!

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base's corridor floors, and asked him:

- Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Private Duncan replied:

- Sure.

The Corporal turned red. He said:

- That's no way to address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?

Private Duncan replied:

- No, SIR!

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India.

One man he passed sported an enormous erection.

- Sergeant-Major! - the colonel shouted.

- Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.

- Yessir - the Sgt. Major replied.

A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.

- Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave - the Colonel barked.

A few months later, same guy, same problem.

The Colonel is angry.

- Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?

- Yessir - the Sgt. Major replies.

- Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major? - the Colonel asks.

The Sgt. Major salutes and says:

- Sir. It's you he's fond of.

Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."

A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.

- And on the third day... - he began.

- No! no! start with the first day - Everyone yells out in chorus.

- And on the third day - the private continues - she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom...

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of the advancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens.

Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entire division to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.

But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his lips.

- Go back! - he shouts.

- Go back! It's hopeless-- there's TWO of them!

The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex.

- Oh - he mused - It was 1945.

- Isn't that a long time to go without sex? - the doctor asked.

- I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.

Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?
→ So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
→ Platoon