A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells:
- Oh! So you wanna race, huh?
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said:
- You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!
To this, the other blonde replies:
- I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her.
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies:
- When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender:
- Wanna hear a blonde joke?
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says:
- Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
- Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind guy says:
- Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk:
- How in the world do you know I am a blonde?
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says:
- That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
- Sorry I can't serve you - states the barman.
- Why not?! - asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
- You're under 18 - replies the barman.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
- Why of course - comes the reply.
The first man then asks:
- Where are you from?
- I'm from Ireland - replies the second man.
The first man responds:
- You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.
- Of course - replies the second man.
I'm curious, the first man then asks:
- Where in Ireland are you from?
- Dublin - comes the reply.
- I can't believe it - says the first man.
- I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.
- Of course - replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
- What school did you go to?
- Saint Mary's - replies the second man.
- I graduated in '62.
- This is unbelievable! - the first man says.
- I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. - What's been going on? - he asks the bartender.
- Nothing much - replies the bartender.
- The O'Kinly twins are drunk again.
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
Two men walked into a bar.
You would think at least one of them would have ducked.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
